Why Tibetans Should Have Two Sets of Dishes.

I am not an expert in Tibetan culture or the Buddhist religion. My knowledge of these subjects depends, almost entirely, on the movie, Lost Horizon (1937). Except, of course, for certain key concepts that have filtered into Western culture. Karma, for instance. I can state with authority that there are two kinds, good and bad, and that a great deal depends on which one you have. Past that it gets a little fuzzy. I only mention it because there's an article about Tibetan food in The New York Times.

In “Tibetans’ (Forbidden) Special Treat” (NYT 2/22/12) Julia Moskin reports that juicy beef dumplings, called sha momos, are “. . . an obsession among Tibetans” and amount to an “ . . unofficial national dish.” This passion embodies a cultural contradiction, however. “Though most Tibetans are Buddhists, who would avoid taking a life, they are also great lovers of meat.” That a religion should forbid you eating the food you crave most is not news to Jews and Muslims. Bacon, ham, lobster, shrimp - non-kosher foods are so consistently delicious, it’s almost intentional. The same is true for Halal dietary laws. (Indeed, one reason for Jews and Muslims not getting along may be that they are cranky from not eating pork.) Granted, a vegetarian diet is far more restrictive, but, in a way, that makes it easier to follow. There’s no judgement involved. No temptations. Eat your vegetables and shut up. Yet, all over Lhasa, people line up for yak dumplings. How do they justify it?

“The tradition of meat-eating is strong because without meat as a source of fat and protein, Tibetans simply could not have survived on their high, cold plateau for centuries, said Ganden Thurman, the executive director of Tibet House, a cultural center in New York City.” I’m sure that’s true. If climbing the Himalayas builds an appetite, imagine what commuting does. “Also, Mr. Thurman said, there is a practical, Buddhist reason for eating yak instead of, say, rabbit or fish. ‘The karmic load of one rabbit and one yak are the same: one life. But you can feed a lot more people with a yak.’” Nimble justifications and I’m sure they’ve served many Tibetans for many years. Still, while you’re tucking into your third serving of sha momos, you have to feel guilty knowing that the Dalai Lama is a strict vegetarian, right? Wrong. “The Dalai Lama himself has struggled with adopting a vegetarian diet . . . many Tibetans will tell you that doctors have advised him to eat meat for health reasons. The official position is that the kitchens of his residence in Dharamsala, in Northern India, are vegetarian, but that the Dalai Lama does eat meat elsewhere.” (Speaking of karmic loads, how big was Ganden Thurman’s in a previous life that the beautiful actress, Uma Thurman, is his sister in this one?)

There’s a much easier way to eat your dumplings and have them, too. Tibetan Buddhists should follow the Jewish example of having three sets of dishes: one for meat, one for dairy and one for Chinese food. Not that Tibetans eat a lot of Chinese food - not, certainly, since 1959 - but you get the idea: one set of dishes for vegetarian and one for whatever they call trafe. It will save them a lot of theological explaining and, if you’re the Dalai Lama, a lot of bouncing around India looking for a Ponderosa Steakhouse.

His Case Didn't Stand Up In Court.

By the Grace of Mellisa, reporter for the New York Daily News, we get this story straight from Tabloid Heaven. (Names, dates and other boring details have been left out.) A one-legged millionaire was arrested for drunkenly punching a stripper in the face with his gold Rolex watch.The man in question is missing a leg for the same reason that he’s rich: he won a $15 million suit against the Nassau County Police. It seems they ran him over while trying to arrest him for beating his wife. Prior to that, our Boy Scout did time for both stabbing a man in the face and stealing a car, which he then set on fire. All in the past, said his attorney. Since he’s been rich, he’s given money to charity. Specifically, Haitian earthquake relief. The defense attorney also claimed that the women in question was soliciting his client and/or trying to pick his pocket. What’s more, she cheats on her taxes. The Judge said, it doesn’t matter if she pays her taxes or not, you can’t go around punching people and gave Sluggo sixty days. His victim hopes to become a star on reality television.

Follow The Yellow Catwalk.

Don’t worry, I’m not writing about the fashion industry – or the modeling business – or even Fashion Week in New York 2012. I will limit my comments to a single person: Duncan Quinn, a former corporate lawyer, who has owned a boutique in Manhattan since 2003. Mr. Quinn charges $30,000 for a custom-made suit of his design and, as interviewed by Patrick Cole for Bloomerg News (2/14/12) claims to have customers. If ever there was a grand and powerful Oz, it’s Duncan Quinn. Pay no attention to the man behind the dressing room curtain.

What makes a suit worth $30,000? “It’s made of a fabric called Guanashina,” says the designer, “It’s . . . main components are kid pashmina . . . a caliber of baby cashmere only obtained from the brushing of the soft, under-fleece of 18-month-old goats bred only in Inner Mongolia, and Guanaco, the yarn of choice for the coronation robes of Incan Royalty.” First, Kid Pashmina lost a twelve-round decision to Primo Carnera in 1933. Second, brushing the soft under-fleece of an eighteen-month-old goat will get you eighteen-to life in Inner Mongolia. Finally, he’s confusing Guanaco with Geo. Naco, author of the only surviving Incan comedy, Machu Picchu About Nothing.

Mr. Quinn further justifies the price with a comparison. “The $1 sandwich won’t move your soul the way the $50 truffle burger will.” All we can hope is that it moves your soul to a richer neighborhood.

Regarding his own personal style, Mr. Quinn likes fabrics from Naples, which “I guess reflects a rather more playful approach to life.” It’s true. Look at the way Mount Vesuvius erupted, playfully extinguishing all life in Pompeii or the way the Camora (Neapolitan mafia) will playfully put you in a pizza oven – and turn it on – if you don’t pay. As for watches, “I’m drawn to old Breitlings. They went through a dodgy patch in the 1980s and 1990s, but I think they’re somewhat back on track now.” They didn’t go through a dodgy patch, Breitlings are made in Dogpatch to look like the kind of watch Capt. Bligh used to time the next flogging. Then, there's fragrance. I hate to brag about my own fashion sense, but that's where I’ve got him beat. Duncan Quinn may have been wearing Roger and Gallet’s Eau de Gingembre for fifteen years, but I’ve been wearing Sherwood & Schwartz’s Eau de Gilligan for forty-five.

Still, I’m glad that Mr. Quinn has found his way from the Kansas of Wall Street to the Oz of the fashion world. The clothing options, even in a white shoe law firm, are extremely limited.

Newt Gingrich: What is the Sound of One Shoe Scraping?

Newt Gingrich threatens to be around for a while. Literally. After a decisive loss in the Florida primary, he didn’t concede or quit. Instead he threatened to wage a long, hard campaign for the nomination. Just whom he was addressing is in question.

The best way for Mr. Gingrich to threaten Mitt Romney is by beating him and winning a single primary won’t do it. What’s more, if the Civil War is any indication, things that start in South Carolina don’t always end well.Unlike Rick Santorum, his speech wasn’t a brave attempt to rally his remaining supporters. Nor, like Ron Paul, was it a guarded way of telling them they’re not getting their money back. So, he couldn’t be directing his comments to the cheering people around him. And there’s never any doubt when Newt is threatening a Democratic opponent. So, the answer must be that, as always, he was talking to himself. After all, one of the two things about Newt Gingrich that you can always depend on is that his ego and self-involvement are limitless - even for a politician. (The other is that his respect for women falls somewhere between Mel Gibson and The Taliban.) That Newt can fool himself into thinking that he still has a chance is, therefore, without question. Whether he can continue to fool his major contributor, Sheldon Adelson, remains to be seen. Until then, Newt Gingrich’s fellow Republicans would be wise to step carefully on the campaign trail.