Ex-Goldman Worker Said To Seek Book deal
The New York Times
3/23/12
A literary agent, Simon N. Scheister, meets aspiring author, Greg Smith, in the kind of fancy, but bad, restaurant that impresses people with no taste.
SMITH
I see this book as a coming-of age story. A young man gets the job of his dreams, investment banker at Goldman Sachs, only to discover that all they care about is money.
SCHEISTER
Unless the age he’s coming of is twelve, we’ve got a problem.
SMITH
Why?
SCHEISTER
Every knows that bankers are greedy slobs.
SMITH
I didn’t.
SCHEISTER
No one thinks that Wall Street exists for any purpose except making rich people richer.
SMITH
I did.
SCHEISTER
Don’t get me wrong. Stoking the furnaces of American industry is noble and makes a great mural. It just makes a lousy book.
SMITH
But what about Wall Street’s fall from grace? It’s epic. Especially at Goldman Sachs, which was known for its high standards. Their corporate culture was the secret sauce that made them great. Not anymore. What’s happened to them is an American tragedy.
SCHEISTER
Not without a murder. Know someone who was dispatched – preferably with an oar to the head?
SMITH
Of course not.
SCHEISTER
Hmm. Would you consider killing yourself?
SMITH
Excuse me?
SCHEISTER
Death Of A Bond Salesman. It reeks American tragedy. But it may put undue pressure on your writing style.
SMITH
In what way?
SCHEISTER
“Secret sauce?” That was fresh when MacDonald’s was new.
SMITH
Thank you, Mr. Schuster –
SCHEISTER
Scheister.
SMITH
But, I’m not sure –
SCHEISTER
Greg, may I call you Greg, I’m trying to help you. But you’ve got help me. I buy the whole fall from grace thing, I do. But, take it from one who knows, it’s not the fall that sells book, it’s the hitting bottom. What kind of wretched excess can you give me? Kinky sex? Boardroom depravity? If it’s lurid enough and we package it right, I may be able to arrange an advance.
SMITH
An advance? I was published in The New York Times. My name was on the evening news. I expect a huge advance.
SCHEISTER
I don’t want to promise anything, but an advance in the high two figures is not out of the question.
SMITH
I’m beginning to think a book is out of the question.
SCHEISTER
You discourage quickly.
SMITH
Unless I’m paid enormous sums of money on a regular basis, I discourage instantly.
SCHEISTER
The writer’s life may not be for you.
SMITH
I don’t want to be a writer. I want to write a best seller.
SCHEISTER
How about self-help?
SMITH
There’s nothing wrong with me.
SCHEISTER
For other people. If you can tell them how to get a job at Goldman Sachs –
SMITH
That’s the complete opposite -
SCHEISTER
Stay with me, Hemingway. People want to know, they crave knowing how you got hired at Goldman Sachs: the hard work, the preparation, the personal dedication, they’ll read it all twice if they think it’ll help them. Throw in some tips on rising in the ranks and I think we’re talking about the kind of money you want.
SMITH
I’m sorry, Mr. Schuster –
SCHEISTER
Scheister.
SMITH
I seemed to have wasted your time.
SCHEISTER
And I’m sorry, Mr. “Smith,” but you’re not the only former Goldman executive who wants to write a book. I’m not a leg breaker, believe me, I’m strictly into the smooth angles of this business, but I have an offer from a former chairman of Goldman, who was also a governor and a senator. He needs a lot - I mean a bushel - of money very fast and is willing to write what is necessary.
SMITH
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