GUIDE TO 2016 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES.

REPUBLICANS

DONALD TRUMP: Lowest vulgar denominator

JEB BUSH: Fool me once, shame on you. No, me! Fool me twice, shame on . . . you? Fool me three times .  . .

CARLY FIORINA: Ran Hewlett-Packard into the ground. Wants to do the same for the country.

MARCO RUBIO: The Latino one.

BEN CARSON: Not as funny as Herman Cain.

RAND PAUL: Greed disguised as wisdom and mistaken for politics.

TED CRUZ: Which crackpot is he?

LINDSEY GRAHAM: "What we have heah is a failure to communicate."

CHRIS CHRISTIE: The fat one.

MIKE HUCKABEE: The "Elmer Gantry" candidate.

RICK PERRY: As they say in Texas, "You give him books and give him books and all he does is chew on the covers."

GEORGE PATAKI: Former Mayor of Peekskill, NY.

BOBBY JINDAL: His long career as a footnote began with the Republican response to Obama's first Presidential address.

SCOTT WALKER: Hates women and immigrants as much as unions. Who knew?

RICK SANTORUM: Not Ted Cruz. The other crackpot.

JIM GILMORE: Wasn't he executed by a Utah firing squad in 1977?

JOHN KASICH: From those wonderful folks who brought you Warren G. Harding.


DEMOCRATIC

HILLARY CLINTON: If you don't know her, you haven't been paying attention. If you do, she hasn't been beaten beyond recognition yet.

BERNIE SANDERS: I'm sorry. You can't vote for Mr. Sanders unless you know the difference between Socialism and Communism - and Marxism.

LINCOLN CHAFFEE: If he can run Rhode Island, he can run the Free World.

MARTIN O'MALLEY: Like Maryland, he combines Northern charm with Southern efficiency.

JIM WEBB: Isn't he the Senator from Virginia who married Elizabeth Taylor? No, that's John Warner.