REPUBLICANS
DONALD TRUMP: Lowest vulgar denominator
JEB BUSH: Fool me once, shame on you. No, me! Fool me twice, shame on . . . you? Fool me three times . . .
CARLY FIORINA: Ran Hewlett-Packard into the ground. Wants to do the same for the country.
MARCO RUBIO: The Latino one.
BEN CARSON: Not as funny as Herman Cain.
RAND PAUL: Greed disguised as wisdom and mistaken for politics.
TED CRUZ: Which crackpot is he?
LINDSEY GRAHAM: "What we have heah is a failure to communicate."
CHRIS CHRISTIE: The fat one.
MIKE HUCKABEE: The "Elmer Gantry" candidate.
RICK PERRY: As they say in Texas, "You give him books and give him books and all he does is chew on the covers."
GEORGE PATAKI: Former Mayor of Peekskill, NY.
BOBBY JINDAL: His long career as a footnote began with the Republican response to Obama's first Presidential address.
SCOTT WALKER: Hates women and immigrants as much as unions. Who knew?
RICK SANTORUM: Not Ted Cruz. The other crackpot.
JIM GILMORE: Wasn't he executed by a Utah firing squad in 1977?
JOHN KASICH: From those wonderful folks who brought you Warren G. Harding.
DEMOCRATIC
HILLARY CLINTON: If you don't know her, you haven't been paying attention. If you do, she hasn't been beaten beyond recognition yet.
BERNIE SANDERS: I'm sorry. You can't vote for Mr. Sanders unless you know the difference between Socialism and Communism - and Marxism.
LINCOLN CHAFFEE: If he can run Rhode Island, he can run the Free World.
MARTIN O'MALLEY: Like Maryland, he combines Northern charm with Southern efficiency.
JIM WEBB: Isn't he the Senator from Virginia who married Elizabeth Taylor? No, that's John Warner.
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