Mother Carey's Chicken.

Ever get lost in the dictionary? You start looking up one word and another one catches your eye. You read the definition, cross-reference and, before you know it, days have gone by and you haven’t eaten. (Okay, the last part is an exaggeration, epecially not eating. That’s never happened to me. Ever.) I was looking up the word “mortify” recently, overshot it by a page and discovered Mother Carey’s Chicken. Sounds like a recipe, doesn’t it? Something basic and hearty, probably involving cabbage and potatoes. Or, perhaps, it’s the bird that started the Chicago Fire. After all, a chicken is more likely to knock over a lantern than a cow. Besides, it was Mrs. O’Leary’s fault anyway. (“I’ll just put this lantern behind the cow’s leg – and surround it with nice, dry straw.”) According to the American Heritage Dictionary, third Edition, it’s “a petrel, especially a storm petrel.” A sea bird that flies close to the water. The name may come from the Medieval Latin, mater cara, dear mother or Virgin Mary. In Christian symbolism, the Virgin Mary and a bird, frequently flaming, are often seen together, but, to my knowledge, have never been mistaken for each other.

It is, therefore, extremely jarring to go four words down the page from a discussion of the Virgin Mary to what may be the premier example of ghetto slang. A compound word, beginning with mother, without which Richard Pryor would have been unlikely and Chris Rock, a complete impossibility. There it is – in all its glory – spelled out completely: mother_______. (I won’t spell it out completely, not from prudery or, heaven forbid, respect for other people’s feelings, but for artistic reasons: obscenities hog attention and do untold damage to tone.) American Heritage defines it as, “1) A person regarded as thoroughly despicable . 2) Something regarded as thoroughly unpleasant, frustrating or despicable.” These definitions fail in a fundamental way – they don’t convey the true meaning of the word. Try substituting them in a conversation and you’ll see what I mean. (“Did you hear about the man who found a wallet full of money and returned it?” “That thoroughly despicable person is crazy!” or “Why shouldn’t I take a taxi crosstown during rush hour?” “Because the traffic is thoroughly unpleasant and frustrating.”) The Urban Dictionary has seventy definitions and forty variations. Yet even the most extreme and fantastic come closer to the truth than AH.

On a more wholesome note, directly below mother_____ is Mother Goose, defined as, “The imaginary author of Mother Goose’s Tales, a collection of nursery rhymes first published in London in the 18^th century.” The imaginary part will come as a shock to Mary Goose (1665-1758) or anyone who has visited her grave in Boston’s Old Granary Burial Ground. The authorship of some of her tales may be disputed, but the woman herself is as real as John Hancock, Paul Revere or anyone else in the same cemetery.

By the way, mortify can mean to humiliate, to practice self-denial or to become gangrenous or necrosed. I’d tell you what necrosed means, but I’d probably get lost in the N’s.