Waiting In Line.

New Yorkers don't take waiting in line seriously, they take it personally. The British take it seriously. They even have a special word for it, "Queue." They queue up for everything in Britain and don't mind. In New York City, any line of more than three people is considered an insult. Waiting patiently is like meekly accepting a slur against your character. That's why the typical New York line looks like a chain gang making a break for it. It tends towards the horizontal. Everyone straining for advantage or so close to the person in front of them that no one can get in between.

You might think that Whole Foods has found a way to tame New Yorkers with their simple and sensible system for line management. Every cashier has a number and that number appears on a large screen in one of three clearly marked lanes that reflect the three clearly marked lanes on the floor. It's announced, too. But that wasn't enough for the man standing next to me. As I started to move, he punched me. Literally, punched me because he thought the woman to his left should go. He was wrong. I explained the system to him - briefly, bluntly and in the low and slow tone of voice that connotes suppressed rage. I gave him the eyes, too. He tried giving me the eyes back, but I could tell he didn't mean it. He was scared and didn't want to show it. Meanwhile, everyone else in line is giving us the eyes and the finger. So, I took my - now melted - ice cream to the cashier and paid for it.

There are exceptions, of course. Anyone in a wheelchair gets preferential treatment - and should. People with walkers can be very rude, so they have to ask nicely. Those big, scooter jobs - not motorized wheelchairs, the ones that look like golf carts - don't belong in New York City. I haven't seen anyone yet, who can ride one without smiling. Not a smile of enjoyment, either. A smug grin. If one of those people tries to get in line, they should be yanked from their vehicles and forced to show that they're immobile. Okay, it's not likely to happen, but they only have themselves to blame if it does.

To my knowledge there's only one naturally occurring instance of New Yorkers forming a straight line. Suppose there's only six people in a movie theater. Those six people will all sit directly in front of each other - forming a line straight up the center - because, after all, those are the best seats.