The Bastard File.

The word, “bastard” seems to be coming into the mainstream. Take the Bastard file. This widely used tool comes in several shapes including the Flat Bastard, the Half Round Bastard and the Slim, Tapering Bastard (I worked for one of those.) There is a French bread and a French novel called La Batarde. Both mean bastard. In stage lighting, there’s a color called Bastard Pink. (There are also lights called brutes, which may be bastards, but that’s a private matter.) If you copy something and make it worse, then you’ve bastardized it. Pretenders to the throne are frequently bastards, although that depends a lot on whom you ask. There’s a store on lower Broadway in Manhattan called Yellow Rat Bastard. (It’s directly opposite a Chinese emporium named Pearl River – a situation fraught with drama, yet they seem to be peaceful neighbors.) There are people named Schmuck, but no one named Bastard - except in the “Austin Powers” movies, which feature a villain named, Fat Bastard. Then there’s the Frank Zappa song, “The Idiot Bastard Son” and the film, Bastard Out of Carolina. (The film, ironically, is based on a novel of the same title, so they are legitimately related.) All this listing is making me thirsty, so don’t forget Arrogant Bastard Beer and its brother, Double Bastard.

Why is the word, ‘bastard,” coming out of the shadows? Are there more bastards today or are we just more aware of them? I hope the latter for two reasons. One, we don’t need more bastards and, two, the more you take a bastard for granted, the more he’s tempted to act like a bastard. Congress is a good example. There is, however, a downside to our heightened awareness. It may lead us to overuse the word, “bastard.” Not that I have anything to worry about.