Take the eeek train.

It was a rare day for people-watching on the New York City subway. First, there was a short, fat woman with her hair piled high and the cord from her earphones hanging down. She looked like the "Snookie" balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade.

Then there was a wealthy businessman in a bespoke, gray, pinstriped suit. I know it was custom-tailored because the only place it wrinkled was where it met his shoes. His pocket square was a show-er, not a blower, and formed a perfect, white slash instead of those fake-looking three points. Just above it, his face sported a red glow that wasn't quite a sunburn. It was more of a "Monday morning, spent all day Sunday on the golf course" rosiness. He couldn't look more like a banker if he was conjured up by Occupy Wall Street.

Finally, there was a woman who . . . I'll just describe her. She was chewing gum, not a crime, but she was chewing it with her mouth open - and she had buck teeth, so her mouth contorted into a sneer when she chewed. Her gaping maw drew attention to an even bigger nose, which was topped by harlequin glasses. From it all came a nasal buzz, which I assume was her voice.

Welcome to the "melting pot."