Wedlock and Key: Update

On the front page of today's (11/4) New York Times is an article about Ryan Fitzpatrick, quarterback of the Buffalo Bills, who, unlike many of his colleagues, wears his wedding ring while playing. Ben Shpigel quotes him as follows, "It stands for something. It's not like I'm trying to throw a message in anyone's face. It's just a personal thing between me and my wife. It's important for me not to take it off." I couldn't have said it better myself. I've said it differently and, I hope, just as well, but with a different spin. I reprint it below.

Some people fear that marriage is doomed. Not by our society’s hideous divorce rate of 33%. Nor by laws that make it financially advantageous for poor and older people to remain single. Instead, it's the prospect of loving and devoted couples of the same sex being legally married that fills them with horror. All those people should go to jail. There, surprisingly, is where marriage receives its most ringing affirmation.

According to the Federal bureau of Prisons, inmates are allowed three personal items: religious medals, prescription eyeglasses and wedding rings. The first two help you see the light, so they are essential for being saved – if only by “The Midnight Special.” The last one bears examination.

There are several, logical reasons for prohibiting jewelry behind bars: they don't want convicts indulging their vanity, getting bludgeoned for their baubles or cutting their way out with a diamond ring. It doesn't matter to other prisoners whether you're married or not. It only matters, but matters greatly, to the person wearing the ring.

A wedding ring means that you are never alone or forgotten, two feelings that are common while incarcerated. It reminds you that, as in marriage, losing privacy and control over your life can sometimes be a good thing. That unlike your debt to society, some debts never have to be repaid. While prison is busy trying to erase your identity, a wedding ring doubles it. What’s more, that frail-looking gold band is your unbreakable link to the outside world. It even allows you to visit that world if only in your heart and mind. As Romeo says, “With love’s light wings did I o’erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot keep love out.”

For some reason, the people most worried about our society are also the most religious. The two seem to travel together like earthquakes and tidal waves. If these people truly care about the future of marriage, they should spend less time in a house of worship and more time in a House of Correction.