First, Do No Hard.

“Boston Medical Group is a network of independent

  physicians using intellectual properties to treat

                          Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation.”

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Good news for men whose package is a little too full of surprises. The Boston Medical Group has the answer to your problems. I don’t know for a fact that they do, but their ad claims that they helped 30,000 men last year alone. What’s more they have offices in every city where men are present, so they certainly are popular. Then, there’s the name - what could inspire more confidence than the Boston Medical Group? It practically screams Harvard Medical School. Assuming, of course, that the word “Boston” doesn’t conjure up thug-like politicians who spend half their time in jail and the other half serving violence-prone voters like the one Jack Nicholson played in The Departed. Since this organization started in Costa Mesa, CA, they probably want you to think Oliver Wendell Holmes rather than Charles Ponzi or Albert De Salvo. (No mention of John Holmes, although he’s implied.) I don’t know what they do or how effective it is, but they promise that you will “See results…on your first visit!” They also promise physician-monitored treatments, so your doctor will see the results, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Boston Method, as they call it, owes something to the Bangkok method, which involves picking a number from one to twenty. Thank heavens for their “private waiting rooms.” Again I don’t know what they do and, unlike Boston and Medical, which are a magical combination, Boston combined with Method doesn’t help in this regard. Unless the treatment involves a pair of red socks, a large bear or a leprechaun, they should choose another name. Instant Wood is already taken. The Patriot Method would be good, suggesting, as it does, both a football team and a missile. Minuteman is a non-starter. Of course, if you’re really in the market for the kind of help that they dispense, you aren’t going to quibble over the name. Still, you have to wonder about the quality of help that the Boston Medical Group provides. Call me skeptical, but, using my own “intellectual properties,” I’d say that theirs probably don’t include intelligence, judgement or ethics.