May 30, 2009

The Dick Cheney Film Festival.

Which of these famous movie villains
does our former VP resemble most?
1) "Uncle Charlie" in the classic Alfred Hitchcock film, Shadow of
a Doubt (1943). Joseph Cotten plays Charlie Oakley, a gentle
soft-spoken, serial killer hiding out in the heart of small town
America. He never raises his voice or averts his eyes even as
he calmly justifies murdering lonely, old ladies for their money.
If you don't see the connection, you're not watching the news.
2) The Tin Woodsman in The Wizard of Oz (1939). Not a villain?
He's cold, stiff, heartless and can't live without oil. Remind you
of anyone? The only difference is that when the Tin Woodsmen
gets a mechanical heart, it makes him a better person. He also
has Judy Garland as Dorothy to oil him when necessary. Who
does that for Cheney? I keep seeing Rupert Murdoch in pigtails
and a pinafore - or worse, Ann Coulter. In that outfit, she'd
look like a cross between the St. Pauli girl and the evil robot
from Metropolis (1927).
3) Rita Hayworth in Lady From Shanghai (1947). In this film,
written and directed by Orson Welles, Rita is the evil and cunning
wife of an equally corrupt Everett Sloane. The climax shows them
trying to kill each other in the hall of mirrors of an amusement park
funhouse. They keep shooting and missing each other because they
only get the mirror image, not the person. I feel the same way when
I see Mr. Cheney on the news. Change to a talk show and he's there.
Change the channel and he's there. Pick up anewspaper and he's there, too. Is there no escape?
4) All the above.

3 comments:

  1. this is a classic! you have outdone yourself!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hard to beat your Tin Woodsman assessment, which is right on the money. However, you may also consider:
    1) Darth Vadar--Can you say the "dark side" without thinking of Dick;

    2) Ernst Stavro Blofeld--Like Dick, mastermind behind most of the world's most evil deeds;

    3) Tommy Udo--Ok, most of you don't know Richard Widmark's maniacal character from Kiss of Death (1947), but can you watch Udo laugh while he pushes a wheelchair-bound old lady down a flight of stairs and not think of Dick?

    4) Bluto--watch a vintage black & white Max Fleischer Popeye cartoon, observe the bullying Bluto say: "Wait'll they get a load of me" and then dispute this selection.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks. Tommy Udo is perfect! What could be more
    Dick-like than pushing an old lady down the stairs in
    a wheelchair? It's what the Cheney's use instead of
    nursing homes.

    ReplyDelete