Sarah Palin Should Aim Low.

It’s painfully clear that Sarah Palin is unsuited for any form of government. She quit her last public office in mid-term to cash in on her celebrity, so her contempt for the people she serves is breathtaking. Her performance in the 2008 Republican Presidential campaign (otherwise known as the “Drag Me To Hell” Tour) leaves no doubt about her ignorance of public affairs. It’s so vast that it makes the State of Alaska look small. As for writing a book, former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean, has also written a book. I don’t know which one to read first. Yet, I see a clear path to success for Sarah – and I’m willing to share it. It’s been said that politics is Hollywood for ugly people. What if you’re a pretty, but lousy, politician? Where do you go? Hollywood!

I don’t, by any means, intend to slight Hollywood or to suggest, in any way, that Palin has the intelligence, training or gift to be an actor. I’m saying great screen careers have had humbler beginnings. For instance, picture Sarah Palin as a cheerleader. To help you, look at her picture on the cover of this week’s (11/23) Newsweek magazine. See the way she’s posing? (“Contrapposto” in art historical terms.) Give her a pleated skirt, two pom poms and a letter sweater. Perfect, right? Not in a wholesome, family entertainment way, either. The movie I have in mind is a low comedy of the leering sort. The kind that “Joe Sixpack” rents without telling his eighteen-year-old son, who’s also renting it. Imagine what one of Palin’s well-practiced winks could do under the circumstances.

If she’s ambitious (this is Sarah Palin we’re talking about) she will no doubt convince some producer to put her in a more prestigious film. A restoration comedy, for instance. “School For Scandal” only it’s been renamed it, “School for Rogues.” Remember, we’re not looking for artistic perfection. It’s a vehicle – lots of close-ups. Picture in your mind, Sarah Palin with bare shoulders, hair up in curls, blushing behind a fan. Every red-blooded Sheridan fan will be there the first day.

Finally, she’s ready for a big, starring role – Cleopatra. Not in a cheesy epic like the one with Elizabeth Taylor. I see a more kittenish Queen of the Nile - like Vivien Leigh in the 1945 film version of George Bernard Shaw’s “Caesar and Cleopatra.” (Okay, we’ve left reality, but stay with me.) Sarah Palin in a black pageboy with a golden asp curling around her head, pouting on a chaise longue, lower lip extended teasingly in your direction. But wait, there’s more! The tour de force of this movie – I’m talking hall of fame casting here – is John McCain as Julius Caesar. The gray hair, martial bearing, sly sense of humor – ne plus ultra. And the tension between them is already there. You don’t have to invent it. It’s built in. I’d pay to see that.