Night of the Living Flat Tax.

I can’t believe the Republicans are resurrecting the idea of a flat tax. No, wait. I can. They wouldn’t be conservatives if they changed with the times. (There are no liberal Republicans. The last one was John Lindsay and he left the political dialogue at the same time as the word, “Patrician.”) But the flat tax? No one believed it when the plaid-coated patroon, Steve Forbes, made it part of his Presidential campaigns in 1996 and 2000. Who would fall for it now?

Not the rich They know it’s just an excuse to lower their taxes. “Would I rather pay nine per cent of my income in taxes or thirty-five per cent? Hmmm.” Not the poor. Their taxes would go from nothing to nine per cent. That leaves the middle class, but they’d have to be convinced to vote against their economic interest. I’d tell you how the Republicans do that, but I just had lunch. One thing is sure, they couldn’t do it without the Democrats.

A flat tax? It’s not even economically feasible. Anytime you reduce tax revenue like that, you wind up replacing it later – with more taxes. If you don’t believe me, read George H.W. Bush’s lips. (The earlier Bush. The one that’s good by comparison.) What Herman Cain is thinking by proposing a new tax as well, I can’t tell you. I can, however, say one thing with confidence: “Nine nine nine” should never be uttered in an economic context unless someone is asking Angela Merkel, President of Germany, to bail out the rest of Europe. If you still harbor doubts about the flat tax consider that Rick Perry likes it, too, and is being schooled in its intricacies by none other than Steve Forbes, who, no doubt, has spent the last fifteen years pondering them.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Herman Cain and Rick Perry. I’d pay full price to see them in a buddy comedy, but I wouldn’t give you two cents for their economic insights. The problem is certain, powerful Republicans also feel that way. Not people like Warren Buffet, who think they should pay more in taxes, but people – and corporations like G.E. – who pay nothing. Why would they want to change the tax code? They’re the reason that an undead idea like the flat tax will return to its coffin before it ever sees an Iowa caucus.