GM: Wreck Of Excellence.

General Motors took one of the world's great brands and drove it into a ditch, yet they expect to reverse all that damage in a month. How is that possible? Even with another $30 billion in federal funds, that's very ambitious. Still, the forecasts are for GM to emerge from bankruptcy thirty to ninety days after entering it. The details are a little hazy, but the goal is clear: the new GM will be smaller, leaner (notice that they don't say meaner) and better able to compete. It will not look like the old GM at all. That, to me, is the key phrase. If bankruptcy succeeds for GM, it won't be as corporate restructuring, but as a kind of witness protection program.

You know how it works. One man approaches another man in a Phoenix supermarket. They both have black hair, olive complexions and prominent noses.

"Excuse me. Aren't you Carmine 'The Shovel?' Didn't you, uh, work for Frankie 'The Icepick?'"

"You must be mistaken. My name is Brian."

"Brian what?"

"O. . . something."

It's the same with General Motors. One day, thanks to your generous GM pension, you're enjoying the Arizona sunshine. The next day, you're wearing an orange vest and helping some old lady buy lightbulbs. (That's also true if you sell GM cars or, worst case, merely own their stock. Worst case because you don't get a salary or commission for your troubles, you just lose money and the only one who's happy is your accountant.) How do you explain a reversal like that? Where do you point the finger? If you try to blame it on GM, no one will believe you - especially if they're young.

"Not that lean and scrappy car company," they'll respond, "with the fabulous line of sexy, but affordable and eco-conscious cars?"

"GM wasn't always like that."

"You mean they were leaner and scrappier?"

"No, they were once the biggest company in the world."

"Get out of here!"

"It's true. They had thousands of factories and dealers across the country and that still wasn't enough. There were waiting lists. People would pay extra to get the model they wanted."

The young employee will look at you with undisguised awe. Normally modest, you permit yourself to beam with pride.

"How old are you?"

At this point, if you're like Carmine, you pick up a shovel.