Aug 3, 2009

Mike Pence, Heartland Brain Donor.

The Republican power vacuum continues. Their lack of leadership yawns so wide that many a lightweight particle is drawn in. Among them are Sarah Palin (see “Sarah Palin SHould Aim Low." 11/19/09) Glenn Beck and William Kristol (see “Beck is Dreck/Kristol Is Empty And Easy To See Through.” 8/1/09) To them add, Congressman Mike Pence (R) of Indiana. You may have seen him on TV, speaking against healthcare reform. White hair, dark suit, earnest, but vacant expression. If you’re a Harry Potter fan, he’ll remind you of Draco Malfoy. I remember him from a front page article in The New York Times of 8/27/06.

In the article by Jason DeParle, Pence claims that “…tax cuts favor the poor by revving the economy.” He illustrates that with “…a story that President Reagan told about a pipe fitter pleased to see the rich prosper, ‘because I’ve never been hired by a poor man.’” This anecdote is strikingly similar to one told before the Civil War by a slave who was glad to see his master prosper because he’s never been owned by a poor man. Going back even further, there’s the medieval tale of a serf who was glad to see his lord prosper because he never worked on the manor of a poor man. If Mike Pence’s district is even slightly typical of Indiana, the state must be paved with gold. No poor man would ever tell that story or vote for a man who did.

Consider the economic policy implicit in the anecdote. It belongs to the same school of thought as, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” One refuted by the competing school of thought known as “Hurricane Katrina.” Not only did that rising water not lift all boats, it sunk them with grave partiality. (Pence, by the way, was for helping the victims of Katrina, but only by cutting $500 billion from Medicaid, tax credits for the poor and care for people with AIDS.) Then, consider who he’s quoting. Ronald Reagan was a lot of things, but “a man of the people” is not one of them. He went from being a movie star to President of the United States to conservative Republican Icon. None of which, on the plane of celebrity, travels less than business class. About the only relation that little fable has to poor or working class people is the term, “pipe fitter.” What is that, anyway?

According to the American Heritage Dictionary (third edition) pipefitting is “the act of connecting pipes.” If that doesn’t help, you can always guess. I have several. When Donald Trump yells, “Make sure the pipes fit,” the person he’s yelling at is the pipefitter. Of course, he yells at a lot of people. In this case, it’s probably an architect or engineer. There must, in fact, be hundreds of professionals whose primary responsibility is to make sure the pipes fit. What Reagan and Pence want you to think, however, is that it’s some grim, thankless job. They image they want you to see is the sweaty man in a torn shirt tugging at apple-sized nuts with a tree-sized wrench in the famous 1920 photograph by Louis Hine. Otherwise they would say plumber. The reason they don’t is because everyone knows what a plumber does and, more to the point, what they charge. (It took a really bad economy to make “Joe the Plumber” a symbol of the middle class. And he wasn’t even a plumber.)

Are there any Republicans who can turn off the vacuum? Terry Sandford will run for President of Argentina before he runs in this country. John Boehner and Mitch McConnell? Then you’re caught between silly and charismaless. Maybe it’s time for former Congressman Vito Fossella to make his comeback? After all, he’s young, handsome and exploding with charisma. Virility, too, apparently. He has three children with his wife and one with his mistress. The one he was visiting when he was arrested for drunk driving. Well, Joe Lieberman, it’s time for you to cross that line.

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