Interesting Sugar.

My wife doesn't like food shopping with me. She claims I always get 

distracted. I can't help it, I'm always . . . finding things. Take Mom's 

Spaghetti Sauce. Every bottle has a big, beaming picture of Mom on 

the label - including the puttanesca style. Wait, doesn't that mean, 

"Whore-style?" Under the circumstances, you have to take a jar 

off the shelf and say, "Just like mother used to make. Your mother 

the whore!" You have to shout it, too, because if you say it softly, 

it sounds too serious.                                                                                                                                       

She tends to speed through the produce section as well. I like 

to  see what's new, what's in season. I like to experiment (bio-

curious, if you will.) My wife believes you should know how to 

cook something before you buy it. That wasn't the case with 

fiddlehead ferns. We boiled a potfull before we learned you're 

not supposed to boil them. Instead, you should sautee them 

quickly in oil and garlic. We had a similar experience with 

Ramps, a kind of wild onion somewhere between a scallion 

and a leek. I don't remember what we did to them, but we 

shouldn't have done it. Then there's Romesco Broccoli, 

currently starring in the movie, Drag Me To Hell. I haven't 

seen that movie, but I imagine something like this vegetable 

appears in it. Romesco is freaky-looking and I'd be very 

surprised if it doesn't come from "Bad Trip Farms" or some 

place like that. I lost that argument and it's just as well. 

I don't want to go to hell.                                                                                                                                            

Did you know there's an "Interesting Sugar" section in 

Whole Foods? Who buys interesting sugar? Suicidal

diabetics who want to go in style? It's the perfect excuse

to go up to a store employee and say, "I want some 

interesting sugar." Just be careful how you say it and 

be sure the person's name isn't, "Interesting." It's 

possible. I've known people named, "Gracious" and

"Welcome." Suppose you're an exotic sweet yourself?

What's to keep you from lingering under the 

"Interesting Sugar" sign, looking for a company?

Don't linger too long, though. It's not a Saigon bar,

circa 1968.                                                                                                                                                         

I think separate shopping carts might be the answer.